Driving Through the Plot Holes of American Horror Story: Cult

I pretty much didn’t have to hate-watch this season… But that’s not saying there aren’t plot holes big enough to drive a bird-killing spray truck through.

**SPOILER ALERT #1** – This post will talk about some key plot points from AHS:Cult. If you haven’t watched the whole series yet, and still want to be surprised, you may want to skip this post.

**(NON-)SPOILER ALERT #2** – Despite a relatively linear storyline, Ryan Murphy once again Ryan Murphy’ed all over this season of AHS by leaving lots of “untied loose ends” and plotline dead ends.

I’ve watched every season of American Horror Story, and I find them entertaining and compelling. But every season, without fail, the show goes off the rails – whether it’s ridiculous plot twists or characters that appear, then disappear… Never to been heard from again.  That being said, this season of AHS was better than most for this, but there were still some things that ALMOST turned me into a hate-watcher.

Let’s discuss.

The Wizardry of Oz


First off, young Cooper Dodson  did a great job on AHS: Cult as Ozzy. His performance was spot-on and, let’s face it, he probably saw some crazy stuff on set, even if it was “movie magic.”  But Oz’s greatest power?  Disappearing.

After his mom and nanny met their demise, you’d think Ally would spend all her waking moments with Oz… But throughout the series, he’d disappear for episodes at a time. Even if we assume Kai locked him in a room by himself, you’d have to think that he’s be pretty damn scarred.  In the finale, he seems perfectly well adjusted.

Who’s Running Beverly’s News Show?!


It was good to see Dylan McDermott Dermot Mulroney as Beverly’s boss on AHS, and his death scene (along with that of his attic-bound “friend”) was truly disturbing… But by the end of the series (especially when reporting on Gary’s untimely demise), Beverly looked like absolute crap, and yet she was allowed on air. In reality, no news producer in their right mind would allow this to air.  Reporters are (sadly) judged on their looks on a regular basis, and Beverly’s devolution into hot-messedness would garner more angry viewer voicemails than WNEP Scranton’s backyard train. Who’s running this show now that Bob Thompson’s dead? Another cult member? Did Bev get a promotion?  We’ll never know.

Poisoned Ivy


As an AHS newbie, Alison Pill is a great addition to the American Horror Story family – also, she’s Canadian!   Her cherubic, innocent face is the perfect red herring to disguise her character’s motives… Although keen, fashion-savvy viewers may have realized she was probably in on it all along.

“Horizontal stripes make me look stabby. Plus, I only own, like, three shirts. Except wardrobe forgot to make sure my ‘killing shirt’ had the same stripes as my ‘non-killing shirt’.”

But Ivy met her demise and was placed in the world’s worst makeshift morgue/lye dispensary.. But in one of Kai’s last visits to his parents, Ivy is nowhere to be seen in the room.. And in the finale, Ally visits Ivy’s grave. We can only assume that after the FBI raid, they found the bedroom/graveyard and gave Ivy a proper burial. Kai didn’t take credit for Ivy’s murder, so how did that go down? Was he found guilty anyway? Is it an unsolved mystery? Did Ivy get buried between her lye-ing and that time Kai started hallucinating? Did they blame Speed Wagon? We’ll never know, and are left to connect the dots however we want – But this isn’t Gestaltism, it’s FX.  That’s not art, Ryan Murphy – it’s lazy storytelling.

From Shrill to Kill


Don’t get me wrong, I loves me some Sarah Paulson… But AHS:Cult’s first few episodes were hysteric-Ally screamy and cry-y. Then, all of a sudden, AFTER her shrink and her partner bite it, Ally gets all super confident and clown-friendly. Coulrophobia is real, kids – and so is anxiety and many other mental illnesses.  It’s not something you get over in a hot minute. I’m not buying it.

There were also the dead end plot points of the creepy spray trucks, Lena Dunham and Frances Conroy showing up because they wanted to, and many others.  And the teased, much-hyped, then unceremoniously dropped bee plot point.

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What’d I miss?  Let me know in the comments, or lambast me on Twitter.

All this being said, once American Horror Story: Cult hit its stride a few episodes in, there were some great moments.  Billy Eichner was a revelation, Billie Lourd is just plain awesome and, story-wise, the lack of “paranormal stuff to explain plot holes” was refreshing.  I’m also hoping that Donald Trump stumbles upon the show and, confusing FX with Fox News, thinks that AHS:Cult is a documentary.

I’m still going to watch American Horror Story – and I’ll definitely be tuning into Ryan Murphy’s next season of American Crime Story – The Assassination of Gianni Versace. Not only am I a fan of Versace, I’m a fan of Darren Criss in (and out of) a Speedo.


What did you think of AHS: Cult?  Let me know!

Can We Just Talk About Katy Perry’s “Swish Swish?”

I’m not mad. Just disappointed.


First off, I want to say that  I’m a big fan of positivity.  There are many things I love, and this blog will likely cover many of them in excruciating detail.  However, there’s been something on my chest that has been bugging me for months, and I need to unload.

Back in May, Katy Perry performed on SNL.  Along with her single of the moment, “Bon Appetit,” she performed “Swish Swish” – and holy crap, you guys… It was amazing.

In full Beetlejuice drag, Katy turned it out.  The song’s dark tone, paired with the fiercest dance line this side of Soul Train, was the kind of thing that screamed “Song of the Summer!!” – well, for, let’s say 10% of the population, at least.  It was just counter-culture enough for mainstream America, and it was strangely both dark and fun at the same time.

And I was excited.  Oh boy, was I excited!  There was some epic fanning in that video! It wasn’t “silly, quirky Katy Perry” – it was semi-savage Katy Perry, taking aim at an unnamed target (whose name rhymes starts with T and rhymes with Taylor Swift.) I anxiously awaited the video.

Then along came the lyric video, and I have to admit, I was still pretty chuffed.  It stars  Gretchen, who is apparently big in Brazil and is – I’m not even kidding here – referred to as the “Queen of Butt.” Again – fun and a bit subversive, but with a nod to the fact that this song will fill circuit party dancefloors around the world.

And then the “official” video came.


I’m not going to even embed it here – you don’t have the 6 and a half minutes to waste, because, let’s be honest… This video is a hot mess, and tries WAY too hard.

We all know (and love) Katy Perry’s silly, whimsical persona.  And on every album, she picks a single to give the cheesy, extended video treatment.  Sometimes it works  (Debbie Gibson!  Darren Criss! REBECCA EFFING BLACK!), sometimes it just kind of fits the song, and sometimes.. Well… You get a steaming pile of video crap.

Now listen, I’m still #TeamKaty, and I still love LISTENING to this song. But this video is just plain awful.  There are many people in this video whom I admire and appreciate – and they just embarrass themselves:

Molly Shannon!

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Terry Crews!

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…and Terry Crews’ reaction was pretty much the same as mine when I saw the video.

I don’t even get who the target audience is for this video. It has stupid special effects that 10 year-olds would think are HILARIOUS, featuring people that don’t register in their world. I mean, for heaven’s sake, it’s a live-action cartoon.

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And that’s not even the WORST of it. I mean, LOOK AT THIS! I did some video editing in college using SuperVHS tape and an ancient computer, and I’m pretty sure I could’ve done better than this.

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Listen, I GET that Katy Perry likes to be silly and quirky and “adorkable.” But this song was NOT the place to do it. This video could have been so much more – heck, if she didn’t want to fire a direct shot to the unsinkable Taylor Swift battleship, at least she could’ve fought her “old” persona or something. That’s alway entertaining – right, Mimi?

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“Swish Swish” takes a great song and turns it silly. I’m not mad, Kathryn. Just disappointed.

Look what you made me do, Katy. Look what you made me do.