Author: coreyq

First off, I want to say that  I’m a big fan of positivity.  There are many things I love, and this blog will likely cover many of them in excruciating detail.  However, there’s been something on my chest that has been bugging me for months, and I need to unload.

Back in May, Katy Perry performed on SNL.  Along with her single of the moment, “Bon Appetit,” she performed “Swish Swish” – and holy crap, you guys… It was amazing.

In full Beetlejuice drag, Katy turned it out.  The song’s dark tone, paired with the fiercest dance line this side of Soul Train, was the kind of thing that screamed “Song of the Summer!!” – well, for, let’s say 10% of the population, at least.  It was just counter-culture enough for mainstream America, and it was strangely both dark and fun at the same time.

And I was excited.  Oh boy, was I excited!  There was some epic fanning in that video! It wasn’t “silly, quirky Katy Perry” – it was semi-savage Katy Perry, taking aim at an unnamed target (whose name rhymes starts with T and rhymes with Taylor Swift.) I anxiously awaited the video.

Then along came the lyric video, and I have to admit, I was still pretty chuffed.  It stars  Gretchen, who is apparently big in Brazil and is – I’m not even kidding here – referred to as the “Queen of Butt.” Again – fun and a bit subversive, but with a nod to the fact that this song will fill circuit party dancefloors around the world.

And then the “official” video came.

Ugh.

I’m not going to even embed it here – you don’t have the 6 and a half minutes to waste, because, let’s be honest… This video is a hot mess, and tries WAY too hard.

We all know (and love) Katy Perry’s silly, whimsical persona.  And on every album, she picks a single to give the cheesy, extended video treatment.  Sometimes it works  (Debbie Gibson!  Darren Criss! REBECCA EFFING BLACK!), sometimes it just kind of fits the song, and sometimes.. Well… You get a steaming pile of video crap.

Now listen, I’m still #TeamKaty, and I still love LISTENING to this song. But this video is just plain awful.  There are many people in this video whom I admire and appreciate – and they just embarrass themselves:

Molly Shannon!

Terry Crews!

…and Terry Crews’ reaction was pretty much the same as mine when I saw the video.

I don’t even get who the target audience is for this video. It has stupid special effects that 10 year-olds would think are HILARIOUS, featuring people that don’t register in their world. I mean, for heaven’s sake, it’s a live-action cartoon.

And that’s not even the WORST of it. I mean, LOOK AT THIS! I did some video editing in college using SuperVHS tape and an ancient computer, and I’m pretty sure I could’ve done better than this.

Listen, I GET that Katy Perry likes to be silly and quirky and “adorkable.” But this song was NOT the place to do it. This video could have been so much more – heck, if she didn’t want to fire a direct shot to the unsinkable Taylor Swift battleship, at least she could’ve fought her “old” persona or something. That’s alway entertaining – right, Mimi?

“Swish Swish” takes a great song and turns it silly. I’m not mad, Kathryn. Just disappointed.

Look what you made me do, Katy. Look what you made me do.